


Gone

by Mislav



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, POV First Person, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-06-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 16:17:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1785415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mislav/pseuds/Mislav
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*Spoilers for season seven finale.* Set post the episode "The Status Quo Combustion". Extremely dark post episode fic, written from Amy's POV. Rated T for sad content.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gone

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I don't own any of the Big Bang Theory characters and I am not making any money from writing this.
> 
> Please forgive any minor spelling or grammar mistakes, English is not my native language.
> 
> This fanfic takes place post the episode "The Status Quo Combustion", after the last scene. Amy's thoughts about Sheldon leaving. This almost turned into a very dark and angsty story with character death and stuff but instead I wrote this. This is just a oneshot, written in first person, from Amy's POV.

Why?

Why, why did you leave Sheldon? Was it because Leonard wanted you to move out? Because of me, suggesting-just suggesting-you to move in with me? Because of me, pushing you toward being physically intimate with me? All of the above? What were you thinking?

I know that you want to be with me, physically. I felt it that night when you kissed me on the train -the best night of my life. I was so happy, I had such high hopes for the two of us, and then you just left? Why?

Like I taught you nothing in three years of our relationship. I know what you were saying: that physical contacts of any kind are overrated, that you don't need them and don't want them. Yet, I am so like you and I need them and want them. How can we be so similar and understand each other so well on any other level but this one? Why is that so? Why can't we be happy? Is the one thing we disagree about enough to destroy otherwise perfect relationship?

What if?

Penny says that you will be OK. That you will be back. But I know that you may never come back. Or that you may get hurt or even killed. Or that you will be back but nothing will change between us, you won't even kiss me or apologize. You called me but will you continue contacting me? Will Leonard, Penny and others support me? They did make fun of us once and Leonard and Penny let you go. They didn't even think about how that would affect me. They said that you had to go but I refuse to believe that. I don't want my mother to find out. What if she would be disappointed at me? I could call your mother, try to make her find you, to convince you to go back, but I won't. And I don't want to upset her. I am already miserable, why make her miserable too? And she may get mad at me, blaiming me. Thinking that I chased you away.

Did I? Am I to blame?

I don't know. My feelings are so mixed now that it makes me sick. I am sad, I am angry at Leonard, at Penny, at you, at myself, I am jealous, I am scared. I look back at the time when I didn't feel the way I feel about you towards anyone, and I can't believe how I've changed since then. I want to go back the way I was before-maybe not forever, maybe just till you come back, if you ever come back-but I won't even try, because I know that I can't, I feel it, in my heart, in my mind, with every fiber of my being-the same way I feel my love towards you and everything it is made off: understanding, admiration, attraction, fascination.

Do you feel the same about me? If you do, why did you leave? Or maybe-just maybe-you left so you could preserve that feelings towards me, or gain them?

I just want you to come back Sheldon. You don't need to kiss me or hug me or even say that you are sorry for leaving. I just want to see you again. Just that. Please do come back. Because I can't live without you.

Techinically I can, but I wouldn't call it a life.


End file.
